Unexpected Expectations

I open my eyes and all of a sudden one day I am 35 years old, divorced, in a new-ish relationship with a wonderful new man and absolutely nothing to truly show for my life. It’s sadly pathetic and highly disappointing. I naively thought I would have accomplished something by now. Funny how life has played out so completely different than what you had hoped for. I keep thinking about how my life went from being a life of security, stability, and certainties, to a life of uncertainties and insecurities and instabilities at every corner. I feel like I’m drowning in an ocean of dirt as the universe continues to pile mounds of dirt, soil, and grass on top of me as if to prepare me for an inevitably early grave.  If it’s any surprise to anyone my life has come to this point, it comes to no one greater than myself. Truth be told, I brought all of this on myself.


Chalk Ridge Falls


  My new photography partner Roberto Luis Gonzalez and I went to Chalk Ridge Falls in Belton, Texas with a new and beautiful up and coming model, Loren Emma Asay-Tippens and took some amazing photos of her! These are what I came up with!    untitled-5 untitled-6 untitled-7 untitled-10 untitled-11 untitled-12 untitled-13 untitled-14 untitled-15 untitled-15-2 untitled-16 untitled-17 untitled-18 untitled-19 untitled-20 untitled-21 untitled-22 untitled-23 untitled-24 untitled-25 untitled-26 untitled-27 untitled-28 untitled-29 untitled-30 untitled-31 untitled-32 untitled-33 untitled-34 untitled-35 untitled-36 untitled-37 untitled-38 untitled-39 untitled-40 untitled-41 untitled-42 untitled-43 untitled-44 untitled-47 untitled-48 untitled-49 untitled-50 untitled-51 untitled-52 untitled-53 untitled-54 untitled-55 untitled-56 untitled-57 untitled-58 untitled-59 untitled-60 untitled-61 untitled-62 untitled-63 untitled-64 untitled-65 untitled-66 untitled-67 untitled-68 untitled-69 untitled-70 untitled-71 untitled-72 untitled-73 untitled-74 untitled-75 untitled-77 untitled-78 untitled-79 untitled-80 untitled-85 untitled-86 untitled-88 untitled-95 untitled-96 untitled-97 untitled-101 untitled-101-2 untitled-102 untitled-104 untitled-111 untitled-112 untitled-115 untitled-117 untitled-159 untitled-159-2 untitled-170 untitled-171 untitled-172 untitled-173 untitled-174 untitled-175 untitled-176 untitled-178 untitled-181-Edit untitled-181-Edit_pp untitled-187 untitled-188 untitled-191 untitled-191-2 untitled-181-Edit_pp untitled-192 untitled-193 untitled-194 untitled-195 untitled-196 untitled-198 untitled-199 untitled-200 untitled-209 untitled-220 untitled-221 untitled-222 untitled-224 untitled-224-2 untitled-225 untitled-232 untitled-240 untitled-241 untitled-242 untitled-247 untitled-249 untitled-250 untitled-258 untitled-271 untitled-272 untitled-273 untitled-274 untitled-275 untitled-276 untitled-278 untitled-279 untitled-281 untitled-281-2 untitled-281-Edit untitled-283 untitled-284 untitled-285 untitled-286 untitled-287 untitled-288 untitled-288-2 untitled-288-Edit untitled-290 untitled-291 untitled-292 untitled-294 untitled-295 untitled-296 untitled-300 untitled-306 untitled-310 untitled-311 untitled-312 untitled-313 untitled-319 untitled-322 untitled-325 untitled-325-2 untitled-329 untitled-330 untitled-336 untitled-338 untitled-339 untitled-339-2 untitled-339-3 untitled-341 untitled-341-Edit untitled-342 untitled-343 untitled-347 untitled-350 untitled-351 untitled-352 untitled-352-2 untitled-352-3 untitled-353 untitled-353-2 untitled-355 untitled-356 untitled-358 untitled-363 untitled-363-Edit untitled-367 untitled-367-2 untitled-367-3 untitled-368 untitled-373 untitled-374 untitled-378 untitled-380 untitled-381 untitled-385 untitled-387 untitled-388 untitled-395 untitled-397 untitled-398 untitled-399 untitled-402 untitled-402-2 untitled-403 untitled-406 untitled-408 untitled-409 untitled-414 untitled-417 untitled-418 untitled-419 untitled-419-Edit untitled-436-Edit untitled-439-Edit untitled-439-Edit-2 untitled-441-Edit untitled-446 untitled-450 untitled-455 untitled-456 untitled-470 untitled-472 untitled-473 untitled-474 untitled-476 untitled-477 untitled-482 untitled-482-2 untitled-482-3 untitled-483 untitled-485 untitled-486 untitled-487 untitled-488 untitled-489 untitled-499-Edit untitled-506-Edit untitled-509 untitled-510 untitled-513 untitled-521 untitled-522-Edit untitled-523-Edit untitled-526-Edit untitled-530-Edit untitled-546 untitled-547 untitled-549 untitled-550 untitled-552-Edit untitled-565 untitled-570 untitled-571 untitled-575 untitled-577 untitled-580 untitled-582 untitled-583 untitled-586 untitled-587 untitled-594 untitled-596 untitled-597 untitled-598 untitled-599 untitled-600 untitled-601 untitled-609 untitled-610-Edit untitled-611-Edit untitled-622 untitled-623 untitled-632 untitled-633 untitled-662 untitled-665 untitled-666 untitled-667 untitled-668 untitled-669 untitled-670 untitled-676 untitled-683 untitled-687 untitled-688 untitled-689 untitled-690 untitled-694 untitled-695 untitled-696 untitled-697 untitled-698 untitled-702 untitled-703 untitled-705 untitled-707 untitled-710 untitled-716 untitled-718 untitled-719 untitled-720 untitled-721 untitled-722 untitled-723 untitled-724 untitled-725 untitled-726 untitled-727 untitled-728 untitled-729 untitled-731 untitled-735 untitled-737 untitled-738





Glamour Shots

My husband Chris and I went to Glamour shots in the Killeen Mall and had our first ever couple’s photoshoot done together after 15 years!! They turned out amazing!!! Untitled-Slide-Show_Page_020.1 Untitled Slide Show_Page_100 Untitled Slide Show_Page_099 Untitled Slide Show_Page_098 Untitled Slide Show_Page_097 Untitled Slide Show_Page_092 Untitled Slide Show_Page_093 Untitled Slide Show_Page_094 Untitled Slide Show_Page_095 Untitled Slide Show_Page_096 Untitled Slide Show_Page_091 Untitled Slide Show_Page_090 Untitled Slide Show_Page_089 Untitled Slide Show_Page_088 Untitled Slide Show_Page_087 Untitled Slide Show_Page_082 Untitled Slide Show_Page_083 Untitled Slide Show_Page_084 Untitled Slide Show_Page_085 Untitled Slide Show_Page_086 Untitled Slide Show_Page_081 Untitled Slide Show_Page_080 Untitled Slide Show_Page_079 Untitled Slide Show_Page_078 Untitled Slide Show_Page_077 Untitled Slide Show_Page_072 Untitled Slide Show_Page_073 Untitled Slide Show_Page_074 Untitled Slide Show_Page_075 Untitled Slide Show_Page_076 Untitled Slide Show_Page_067 Untitled Slide Show_Page_068 Untitled Slide Show_Page_069 Untitled Slide Show_Page_070 Untitled Slide Show_Page_071 Untitled Slide Show_Page_066 Untitled Slide Show_Page_065 Untitled Slide Show_Page_064 Untitled Slide Show_Page_063 Untitled Slide Show_Page_062 Untitled Slide Show_Page_057 Untitled Slide Show_Page_058 Untitled Slide Show_Page_059 Untitled Slide Show_Page_060 Untitled Slide Show_Page_061 Untitled Slide Show_Page_052 Untitled Slide Show_Page_053 Untitled Slide Show_Page_054 Untitled Slide Show_Page_055 Untitled Slide Show_Page_056 Untitled Slide Show_Page_051 Untitled Slide Show_Page_050 Untitled Slide Show_Page_049 Untitled Slide Show_Page_048 Untitled Slide Show_Page_047 Untitled Slide Show_Page_042 Untitled Slide Show_Page_043 Untitled Slide Show_Page_044 Untitled Slide Show_Page_045 Untitled Slide Show_Page_046 Untitled Slide Show_Page_037 Untitled Slide Show_Page_038 Untitled Slide Show_Page_039 Untitled Slide Show_Page_040 Untitled Slide Show_Page_041 Untitled Slide Show_Page_036 Untitled Slide Show_Page_035 Untitled Slide Show_Page_034 Untitled Slide Show_Page_033 Untitled Slide Show_Page_032 Untitled Slide Show_Page_027 Untitled Slide Show_Page_028 Untitled Slide Show_Page_029 Untitled Slide Show_Page_030 Untitled Slide Show_Page_031 Untitled Slide Show_Page_022 Untitled Slide Show_Page_023 Untitled Slide Show_Page_024 Untitled Slide Show_Page_025 Untitled Slide Show_Page_026 Untitled Slide Show_Page_021 Untitled Slide Show_Page_020 Untitled Slide Show_Page_019 Untitled Slide Show_Page_018 Untitled Slide Show_Page_017 Untitled Slide Show_Page_012 Untitled Slide Show_Page_013 Untitled Slide Show_Page_014 Untitled Slide Show_Page_015 Untitled Slide Show_Page_016 Untitled Slide Show_Page_007 Untitled Slide Show_Page_008 Untitled Slide Show_Page_009 Untitled Slide Show_Page_010 Untitled Slide Show_Page_011 Untitled Slide Show_Page_006 Untitled Slide Show_Page_005 Untitled Slide Show_Page_004 Untitled Slide Show_Page_003 Untitled Slide Show_Page_002 Glamour shots_Page_074 Glamour shots_Page_075 Glamour shots_Page_076 Glamour shots_Page_077 Untitled Slide Show_Page_001 Untitled-Slide-Show_Page_061 Glamour shots_Page_073

Sick of paying

I am so fucking frustrated I cannot see straight. I have a friend that has been my best friend for years but every time I make even the smallest mistake or cannot keep in touch with him, he throws me under the bus and brings up all my past mistakes with him and makes me feel like I will be paying for those stupid mistakes for the rest of my life. I CANNOT STAND it when people want to bring up my past mistakes just so they can make a point. I never rub people’s past mistakes in their faces. I never once bring them up again. They are forgiven and forgotten. Yes, I still beat myself up constantly over what I have done in the past but I would never make someone feel like shit over something they might have done years ago. We were different people then and we are different people now. Why can’t people just let things die? I can’t keep paying for those mistakes and feeling like shit every time, making me feel like I have to constantly make it up to this person. I am so angry with this person and I want to slam everything back down his throat and tell him what a dick he is half the time to people and how incredibly negative and synical he is. Hell he is almost 40 and still lives at home with his mom because he is afraid she will sue him for rent money if he leaves even a small peace of paper behind and that she can’t make it by herself. He has a daughter that he calls himself the “secondary” parent for and thinks he has no real responsibilities for except to spend two days a week with. He has never been married and wants to sleep with anything with tits and a vagina that walks by. I just can’t do it anymore. He makes me crazy and makes me feel constantly guilty about everything in my life. I’m done. Once and for all, I have completely had enough.

New School, New Duty Station, Practically a whole new life.

It has been a very long while since I last posted and for good reason I guess. Maybe. I don’t know at this point. Chris and I finally got the hell out of Washington State on April 1 of this year and were PCS’ed by the Army back to our original duty station of Fort Hood, Texas. If you are thinking the Army base where are the soldiers go nuts and start shooting people, you would be correct. No I’m not afraid or scared or even anxious. It just annoys the hell out of me that they let these mentally damaged people by weapons and then they go on shooting sprees and can’t tell you why after they did it.

Anyway, we are now kind of moved into our three bedroom house on the base. I say kind of because we still have a lot of unpacking and all to do not to mention I have a feeling we could lose this three bedroom house if my mother is not approved to become one of my husband’s dependants. I am almost 100% sure she will get dependency because she is mentally and physically dilapidated and cannot work, much less function in normal society anymore, as well as the fact that we finally were able to convince her to leave her raging alcoholic asshole of a husband. Trust me, that took years. It has been way past time though and I think she finally just had enough!! For now we have the bedrooms and kitchen set up as well as the living room although there are still a few boxes to attend to which I’ll probably sort through tomorrow while Chris is at his first day of work. It shouldn’t take me too long. Mom sleeps most the time and the dogs mostly stay out of the way so I’ll be able to get things done fast. I wish I could say things were happy and carefree here but it just isn’t true. Chris and I are great. It is my mother I am most worried about. She would kill me if she even knew I was posting about this but I really have no one else to talk to about it and no where else to vent. I don’t even care if anyone ever reads this or not. I just need to get it off my chest. I truly think my mom plans on killing herself soon. She keeps promising me she won’t do that to me but all she ever does is sit around outside and smoke her disgusting cigarettes and never says much, cries all the time even though she says she takes her psych meds but I kinda doubt it. She feels like she truly has no purpose here anymore so all she is doing is becoming an old woman with no worth. She used to run hospitals and could run circles around all nurses I knew and some doctors as well but now because of her dilapidated condition mentally, she can barely function anymore. I try to talk to her everyday and try to keep her mind off things and keep doing arts and crafts to decorate the new house together to make it a real home but nothing really seems to work. I really am happy she moved in with us because she was miserable staying with my sister and her husband but I don’t think she is any happier here. I take her to see her psych back in Longview in a couple days and right now I am thinking it couldn’t come soon enough. All she seems to want is to just go to sleep and never wake up again or even just falling over dead would be just fine with her. I just don’t know what to do with her anymore. It breaks my heart.

As far as school goes, I have transferred from The Art Institute to The Academy of Art University in San Francisco, California. I think I have a much better chance there for advancement as well as other opportunities and such that The Art Institute never offered. Not to mention The Art Institute is still being sued for $72 billion by the government for drafting in the low income students for the financial aid and then never giving them a chance to graduate because they can’t qualify for more financial aid or loans and they never see stipend checks. So I think in the end, The Academy of Art University will be much better suited for me. I have already won a $5,000 scholarship for the photo portfolio that I submitted so that is definitely a start. I don’t officially begin school (it is online as well) until June 6, 2014. I am completely ready. I need something to keep me busy as well  as get out and meet some people and get more experience photographing people and maybe even collecting more clients. I guess over the next month we will see what comes of my life. At this point it is 50/50.

DuPont Fall Walk, 2013

I figured since we may be moving back to Texas in a few short months, I might as well get out and endure the cold of the already chilly fall months and get as many memorable fall pictures in as I could since Texas does not have a “true” fall to speak of! I have to admit, getting out and about in DuPont, Washington really was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It wasn’t too cold and it definitely had some inspiring photographic locations to choose from as well as some rather nice locals who seemed more than used to seeing a girl loaded down with photography gear making her way down the numerous streets desperatly trying to photogaph everything in site before the winter claimed the leaves and the colors once and for all. So with no further adue, I give you the fall in DuPont, Washington.

untitled-94-Edit untitled-2-Edit untitled-4-Edit-2 untitled-8-Edit untitled-9-Edit untitled-10-Edit untitled-11-Edit untitled-15-Edit untitled-18-Edit untitled-20-Edit untitled-21-Edit untitled-22-Edit untitled-23-Edit-Edit untitled-26-Edit untitled-27-Edit untitled-33-Edit untitled-36-Edit untitled-38-Edit untitled-42-Edit untitled-46-Edit untitled-57-Edit untitled-62-Edit untitled-63-Edit untitled-65-Edit untitled-68-Edit untitled-71-Edit untitled-74-Edit untitled-77-Edit untitled-79-Edit untitled-87-Edit untitled-89-Edit untitled-97-Edit