Hypothetically Speaking

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Why? Why does my mind haunt me at night? Why can’t I just fall asleep and not have those thoughts, those dreams, those panic inducing, gut wrenching, dry mouth, cold sweat thoughts and dreams that keep me up until the early hours of the morning? So I read between the lines or over think a word or two too much. So what if I let my mind wander into the “what if’s” of life’s hypothetical situations? Is it so bad to indulge in my fantasy world where I actually like myself and the guy I’m with actually has a thought in his head and passion in his heart and me in his arms? Is it so bad that I’ll always wonder what it would be like to be able to escape to someplace new and start over completely? Is it strange that the only time I am really elated lately is when I’m alone and lost in the blaring music of my headphones and my private thoughts where I am the star of the song and I’m the one who is strong, talented, beautiful, brave, and loved? Is it strange to hope this girl still exists somewhere inside me? Would you like me better if I brought her back out? Would you pay more attention to me if I was smaller like I was a few years ago? Would you do more with me if I weren’t such an embarrassment? Hypothetically speaking, it isn’t you……its me……or is it you projecting on to me? 

 

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