My name is Charlotte (a.k.a. Charlie for anyone that knows me and likes me) and the above picture pretty much sums up my crazy little life in a nut shell. Originally from Texas, my husband Chris and our K-9 kiddo, Bailey Anne have moved thousands of miles over the past 10 or so years thanks to the military. Right now we reside in Tacoma, Washington. Not our favorite of places but I guess it could be worse. Maybe! Chris and I met while in high school and have been together since I was 16 (although he thought I was 17 going on 18 at the time) and he was 19. We have been together ever since! Bailey came into the mix around 2005 and has been our only kiddo so far and I’m guessing that is the way she likes it!
While Chris does his thing with the military, I pretend to be a photographer with the hopes and dreams of actually becoming a real photographer. I currently attend The Art Institute of Pittsburgh-Online Division to obtain my Bachelor’s degree in Photography/graphic design and photojournalism although at this point I am not sure how much longer that is even going to last since I am getting a little fed up with how much hands on experience I am NOT getting and how very little feed back I tend to get from professors and peers. Honestly for the most part we really do a lot of reading and figure things out for ourselves so I kind of feel like I am wasting thousands of dollars a year just to teach myself something I could learn a heck of a lot cheaper on my own. I have found that as of right now I tend to favor landscape/architecture/urban/rural photography since that is mostly what we were told to go out and photograph but I really want to get my hands on some studio equipment and some models. I have done a few portrait shoots but I am never all that satisfied with the results.
Now, for the massive double edged sword in my life. Along with the thriving artist in me always screaming to learn more and get out there and practice, I also have another side of me that compares my work with everyone else’s and I always tell myself I will never be that good and I will never learn to be that good. I live everyday of my life in a chaotic, torturous, whirlwind struggle that only I can see. I have to deal with being a borderline personality and bipolar type 1. For a while I never even knew what those words meant until I actually started losing my mind. Honestly some days I wish I had never been diagnosed. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Everyday I have to struggle and fight just to decide to get up and live and not lay in the bed and give up. I have a lot of things driving me to get up and get out there and keep going, but then I find that I can just as easily talk myself out of it. I am the master of self sabotage. The last couple of years I have been on meds but the last month or so I have taken myself off my meds. I think this blog, in a way, is to help me see the daily ups and downs and everything I go through that I don’t see myself right away. Kind of like charting my progress I guess. I know this won’t be easy for me. I’ll have a hard time posting anything because I don’t trust people to know anything about me because they can use it against me to judge me (one of the reasons I don’t use fb).
I am also going to use this blog not only as a way to chart my BPD/BP progress, but also to post my photos and a little something about each of them and also to express myself through them. I’ll try not to let my blog become completely random. Those of you that decide to follow me, if any, I thank you. I also look forward to any suggestions, comments, and or critiques!